.: asylum for the sane :.

Today I spent $80 on 5 craft books for felt food projects.

It’s like so irresistible when you sort of know how to do it, and you get excited when you recognize something you have learnt how to do. (”ohhh i know how to do this part! it’s using reverse stitching!” - looking at books that are purely in Chinese/Japanese.)

Just that the difference between the projects in these books (adorable much, but no spoilers mainly because I’m lazy to flip and shoot photos) and the fruit tart I made yesterday is that I have to get my own felt and cut them out, based on templates.

But should be lotsa fun! So much to explore, and so many adorable food to create, hehe.

But before I get to that stage, I shall practice more on projects with pre-cut pieces and english instruction. I reckon 4 more of such projects should get me prepped up for the next level.

I really cant wait to make them! Especially the one with the strawberry and chocolate wafer on it. Adorabable much?

It feels damn nice to have a hobby so enjoyable. Too bad you cant have the cake and eat it too!

I think I might have a new hobby. And it involves needle and thread. Given my thread record with sewing projects, it was an amazing wonder that I completed this one at all.

I spent the entire day today working on this little gem. Pretty isn’t it? It’s imperfect, as far as I can tell. But to me, it is equivalent to an entire day’s effort. And I don’t care if the stitches are untidy or ugly. They are untidy and ugly because sewing is never my forte. But it will get better with more time and practice.

I love my whip cream lol. It looks awesome. So out of the point, but it’s true!

I was craving for a creative project. I had been on a dry spell; haven’t done anything close to creative and I was getting worried for myself. I was worried I was getting stupid (lol) because I have this belief that writing and craft works makes you smarter. And since I haven’t been writing either (I know, sad sad!), I knew I was gonna be in deep shit if I didn’t find something worthwhile to do.

So a trip to Daiso last Saturday found me this little packet of happiness. And I only had the time and enthusiasm to start on it today. Was so so excited, lol.

I went to get some materials that I didn’t have (mainly fabric glue, pins and needles) before I started on it. As you can see, the fabrics were already pre-cut for me so it was not exactly rocket science. But still! There were some stitches I had absolutely no idea how to do despite the diagrams within the instructions.

Such as.. french knots and reverse stitching. *lost*

So I consulted Youtube for some advice. Viewed a few demos and thankfully because I am such a visual person, I managed to emulate the methods. My strawberries, which needed french knots are partially powered by youtube. The whipped cream was fully powered by youtube -> reverse stitching here!

This was strawberry number 1. It pissed me off coz it looked weird coz the french knots were all over and i didnt know how to close up the gap after stuffing the cotton it it. Then i re-read the instructions and found out that i had to stitch first then stuff the cotton in.

Oh. Okay.

But the second strawberry took a much lesser time to achieve. Maybe this is what they call practice makes perfect. I’m nowhere near perfection but hey it got better.

And if you see on the dark brown felt, I used a white thread for the overcast stitches (talking like a pro now). It was only when I’ve glued everything nicely that I realized that I should have used the brown thread. There I was wondering why I had a brown thread lying around for the duration of the project.

But anyway, if I didn’t tell you that, you wouldn’t know anyway

I spent close to 6 hours working on this project. And as tiring as it was, it was still worth the time. I learned all abt new stitches, which I never knew before. I managed to complete a sewing project (first time ever!) and I now have a pretty fruit pie to look at.

Did I mention that it is also a magnet? It is! I made a magnet today!

/dances.

I am so easily pleased.

And now, I wanna raid Daiso for more felt food projects. And after I am stabilized, I can try on bigger projects.

But that’s another story.

This shouldn’t even be a blog post because what happened to my Oakleys shouldn’t have happened.

But it did and there was nothing I can do about it. So let me tell you exactly what happened.

I was chewing gum, bored in the middle of a long road trip to Kuala Lumpur. Chewed on the gum till there was no taste so I asked FP for a tissue paper for me to throw the gum away. (this was despite me having tissue in the back and in the pockets of the the right passenger door, but when things are meant to happened, they just will.)

He told me to just spit it out the window, because that was what he did anyway.

(no, i don’t normally spit out the window, which was precisely why I asked for a tissue paper!)

So okay, I did spit out. But because I am an inexperienced spitter, the gum seem to have gone in a weird direction. So in order to ensure it didn’t get stuck to the car, I popped my head out the window.

Silly, silly girl.

My shades were on top of my head. No, actually I was wearing my Paul Frank hoodie (complete with monkey ears) with the hood on, and my shades were placed right on top of it, on my head.

Don’t ask me why I was dressed up like that. I don’t know.

But, as soon as I popped my head out the window, I saw something white flying away from it. It was purplish too. It took me two seconds to realised what just happened. And I suddenly went, “MY SHADES. IT FLEW OUT!”

It stunned everybody in the car but we were getting further and further away from my shades that was getting more and more crushed as we went along. There were too many fast moving cars. It was on the freaking highway. There was NOTHING we could have done. Even if I were to get out, I would have gotten myself killed or injured and still the shades would have been just shattered plastic.

And when the reality of things dawned on me (took another 5 seconds), I just started crying nonstop. I hate to lose my things. I get annoyed even when my things do not work or look like they should. I have an unexplainable emotional binding with all my things. Perhaps the cause of being an only child.

When you are an only child, you become emotionally attached to the things around you. And that was exactly what happened to me.

This pair of Oakleys has so much meaning.

1) It was a gift from FP at the end of 2008
2) It is a limited edition pair.
3) Quirky in purple and white
4) I love it.

This should be a lesson to me not to be so emotionally attached to me. FP tried and tried again to console me in the car. But the tears wont stop, and when it did, I was silent for the rest of the trip.

A round of shopping afterward cheered me up a little but FP wasn’t fooled.

Later that night, FP consoled me again. Again tears came. He told me it is just a “thing” and it’s not important. He told me that things happen for a reason and that he understood what I was feeling. He understood my emotional bind to my belongings, and how I love all my things.

He would get another pair for me. But I told him that it’s not about getting another pair at all. And he said he knows. He gently told me not to think about it anymore, repeating that it is just a “thing” which could be bought again. All I could see was the shades flying away from me. That image remains in my head.

But as heartbreaking as this whole situation is, there was really nothing we could have done. Perhaps things do happen for a reason. Perhaps I was meant to lose it. But hey, it was fun while it lasted.

I’m back from a really fun-filled and completely impromptu Malaysia trip. I haven’t been in Singapore since New Year’s Eve so the new year practically begins for me now.

(Blog post abt Malaysia Trip - 3 cities in 3 days will come later. Awaiting pics from official photographer)

So anyway, with a new year comes new resolutions. And I am normally pretty good with resolutions so here goes:

1. I will take better care of myself. This means drinking enough water, getting enough sleep and putting myself before others when the need arises.

2. I will not let the small things bug me. This means I have to be more patient and not get angry and upset easily.

3. I will not let idiots get the better of me. There are too many idiots and only one me. If I let them get to me, they will trample all over me.

4. I will be a happy person.

5. I will not be late for work.

6. Which brings us to: I will not wake up late in the morning.

7. I will not let anybody push me around. I am not a pushover (anymore).

8. I will not try to strive for perfection every time. It’s okay to make mistakes.

9. Since I learned how to bake last year, I will learn how to cook this year!

10. I will take up an enrichment course of any kind (learn a language perhaps? or learn a new craft?)

11. I will blog regularly.

That’s the eleven that I can think of right now. There might be more along the way and will add on as we go along.

I hope I can keep all these 10, especially about me not being late for work hehehe.

Have a great new year guys and girls. 2010 will be an awesome year, you just know it.

I feel exhausted. It’s as if the accumulated exhaustion of this entire year has decided to ambush me at year end.

2009 has been a very long year to say the least.

Health

I’ve been a complete klutz this year. Awfully accident prone and oftenly sick. Who could forget my week long MC as I lay in bed thinking I was gonna die from food poisoning? Drama Queen, that I am

Or the time that I sprained both ankles (which led to both entire legs hurting so much) just because I took a wrong landing as I jumped over a ditch? And I came back from the hospital with both legs bandaged? Haha

or what about the time I sprained my hand and arm from slamming a door really hard?

Yes a cam whore never misses a chance to cam whore. Even if it means taking the photo with her sprained hand. Tsk.

I think this year I took more MCs than I would annual leaves haha. Let’s hope for better health next year then. Maybe I shouldn’t mention here that I’ve been having chest pains. But oh well, I just did. Shh.

Career

I worked so damn hard this year. Looking back on my accomplishments at work this year, I feel a tinge of pride. It’s truly a lot of work to have come thus far. I’ve learnt so many things, gotten to know so many new people, people come people go.

My teams in Jakarta grew by leaps and bounds and suddenly I have 2 incredibly big, capable and talented teams there that I can rely at any given time or day. And these two teams practically make two out of many firm foundations of the site.

And for the first time, I’ve started growing a team in Singapore too. Incredible. Even though it is something very new (less than a month), it has been incredibly exciting and fun to have my own team here.

More powers indeed come with extra responsibilities, as I’ve learned this year.

Of course with success come haters, which I totally do not give a shit about. 2009 has been an amazing year at work, despite the fact that I came close to giving up completely once or twice. I really am glad I didn’t. Here’s to another long, exciting and rewarding work year in 2010!

Personal Achievements

This is where I wish I can that I’ve learned how to ride a bicycle, or completed a marathon or won awards. But I didn’t achieve any of that. But what I did achieve (on a personal basis) are:

1) I finally got a domain. Thank you Toni, Nico and Indra for helping with the set up. and thank you FP for teaching me how to change my own theme, lol. Yes I work for a website but I can still be a tech-idiot at times.

2) I survived an earthquake. Even though I couldnt sleep for 2 weeks after that.

3) I learned how to bake! First for FP’s birthday cake (hehehe) and then for my own pleasure. Which reminds me, I haven’t baked in months!

4) I survived levels 3 and 4 of crazy spicy buffalo wings, despite sweat, tears and crazy internal heat. and the runs.

Part II still in the works. Be patient!

My hands and fingers are feeling numb. The last time this happened, I passed out in my kitchen soon after.

I remained sick and weak for weeks. I was so afraid I was going to die, or be paralyzed and most importantly losing my independence.

I remember when I woke up from passing out, I still felt numbness in my hands. And I was frightened at losing my memory. So I silently recited to myself: the alphabet, my birthday, lex’s and my anniversary, celebrity birthdays, lyrics - anything and everything that convinced me that I haven’t lost my brain matter.

I still remember the fear I had in me that day, and the weeks after that when I was recovering. I feared unable to do things by myself, to have to rely on others. I couldn’t stand the thought of it.

That was the closest I had to dying in my adult life. But I am no stranger to death.

In fact, the reason why I am still alive and the intelligent (yes I am) and creative individual that I am boils down to my neighbours who were doctors.

Had they not rushed me to the hospital, beating all the red lights - I would have been dead or at best brain dead. And did I mention that I was only 6 months old when that happened?

6 months, not 6 years. What could a 6 month old know about? Nothing. And there I was so close to death. I always wonder what would have happened, if I didn’t pull through then. Or sometimes, I wonder why did I pull through? Is there a reason? Was it a sign that I am a very strong person, even as a baby?

And then as I grew up, there are times when I wonder - what would it be like to die young? Would I be one of those people who died in their teens? Even now, I keep wondering things like - Would I be one of those people who die in their 20s?

Morbid I know, but I can’t help it.

For one thing, I have never pictured myself as an old lady. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t imagine it. And we all know how crazy my imagination can get, so it scares me a little to not be able to even visualize how I’d look like maybe 40 years down the road. or even 20 years.

Perhaps it has to do with me afraid of getting old, I’ve blogged about it before. But it’s like the Flash Forward show. The guy who couldn’t see 6 months into his future - might be dead in 6 months.

Or perhaps it’s my child-like nature that prevents me from imagining things that adults and elderly go through. Like how some people stay forever young?

Whatever it is, everybody has got to go someday whether they like it or not. And as Dumbledore said, “Death is but the next great adventure!”

Maybe I’ll die before 30, or at the ripe age of 75 or just nice at 50. Whatever it is, I just hope to live my life to the fullest and leaving behind traces that do make a difference in people’s life, no matter how insignificant it may be.

Life is a riddle, and life is fragile. Maybe I survived the ordeal at 6 month old, because I am meant to do something great. Or perhaps I was given a chance to start my life on a new slate. There has to be a reason why I survived, because everything happens for a reason.

Yesterday I turned 26. This was how I spent my day

I took leave for yesterday, just as I do every year on my birthday. As much as I have been accused (gasp!) of being a workaholic, I simply wouldn’t do it on my special day. This has been my practice since I started my work life, after graduation.

So anyway let’s continue with our story.

FP presented me with this box (okay previously it was in a longish paper holder thingy), and inside it was this:

A lovely charm bracelet from Thomas Sabo! He has chosen three charms for me: a pink flower, a shooting star and a witch.

Why a witch? Because I like Harry Potter, apparently.

Why a shooting star and a pink flower? Because they just look nice

Fair enough, hehe.

Then we went to Ion Orchard for Swenson’s ice cream buffet! Kawan L, Kawan E & Kawan C were initially supposed to join us. But they didn’t

So anyway it was just FP and myself, having access to all the ice cream one could have!

So for my first combination, I took - banana split, frosted chocolate malt and strawberry flavoured ice cream, with strawberries and marshmallow for topping! I really do love fresh strawberries and marshmallows. In fact, I am a marshmallow - just ask FP.

His first bowl of ice cream, on the other hand, looks like this:

It consisted of sticky chewy chocolate, cookies and cream and butterscotch flavoured ice cream with chocolate malt balls, marshmallow (copy!), lychees and chocolate sticks as toppings. yum yum

For my second round, I chose very fruity selections. Actually, I’ve always preferred fruity ice cream flavours as compared to rich and creamy ones - so this was pure heaven to me.

This concoction comprises: mango-peach, rock melon and calamansi flavoured ice cream, topped with strawberries (again), lychees and longans. A very refreshing concoction - just as how I intended it The mango-peach flavoured scoop was extremely delightful and exceptionally refreshing, whereas the rock melon one was simply divine. I love!

FP’s next bowl:

Such a vast difference in how the ice cream and toppings are presented, lol. My bowls look way, way better I can be a food arranger on top of a food photographer next time, lol.

This bowl holds a scoop of black sesame, chocolate and strawberry flavoured ice cream each apart from the atap seeds, he also poured marshmallow sauce over the three flavours.

By this time we were both so bloated and pretty sick of ice cream. Actually in between bites of ice creams, we ordered fries and deep-fried mushroom, so that we won’t feel so overwhelmed with ice cream. It kinda worked.

I didn’t know this photo was taken until I was going through my camera just now. Looks like FP too can be a food photographer. /run

Then of course there was the episode of many many children singing Happy Birthday to me. I will not go too much into that, but of course he did plan for it. We’ll keep it at that

But it was very sweet, thank you FP

And finally, the birthday cake:

This was my chocolate truffle cake from The Royals

Small and sweet, just like me. hahahaha!

Candle was blown and wishes were made (though not entirely because I was being egged on to blow the candle) and that’s the end of my day.

It was a special day with sweet surprises. I love it, and thank you FP for the wonderful day.

And thank you all of you who wished me in Facebook (flooded my wall), twitter, via SMS (these had the nicest bday msges I’ve received), by phone (love ya Kavz!) and in person (xoxo FP).

It was really nice being remembered and loved on a special day like your birthday, so thank you.

Here’s to number twenty six, and let’s live it to the fullest. And then feel emo again when number twenty seven comes along.

image taken from here

In less than two hours time, I will be saying goodbye to being 25 and say hello to becoming a 26 year old girl. woman. person.

I’m not sure why I am always so pensive on the eve of my birthday. A very good friend of mine once told me that birthdays are not for celebrating. She told me that a birthday is actually the most sacred of days. As your birthday draws closer, your soul becomes too vulnerable and in this time period, anything can happen.

At some point of time, your soul will become so vulnerable that there is a thin line between life and death.

Such is the seriousness of having birthdays, which makes me wonder in what way birthdays are supposed to be happy and joyous occassions?

And turning 26 has gotten me quite frenzied for a number of silly reasons.

1) it is a little over a quarter, making me 1/4 ancient
2) I don’t like even numbers. This is highly ironic because it’s normally when my age is an even number that my life seems better. Hmm.
3) I’m just emo and reflective for no reason at all

This doesn’t mean I’m not looking forward to my birthday and all the hush hush plans

There is a reason why I take leave from work on my birthday every year. It may seem egotistical but hey, if I don’t love myself enough to do that, nobody will. To me, my birthday is always special because it is MY day and the begininning of my wonderful existence.

(yes my fans, I am indeed my biggest fan :P)

So to carry on with my explanation. So in my head since I was young (younger, I mean), my birthday has always been a sort of a personal holiday for me. I would look forward to it from the beginning of the year. A

And then start counting down to it a month before the actual date. It’s crazy, but true.

And don’t let me get started on birthday week and birthday month. I have it written somewhere, in an invisible clause that things should always go my way during my birthday month, and especially my birhday week.

If I could, I would have wanted a birthday year, but that would just be silly, won’t it?

But as I grew older (an wiser, hopefully), I have shortlisted it down to birthday week. Thank God I have a bf who indulges in my every whim and fancy - not that I abuse it

So as the clock strikes 12 later (though I was technically born at 11 am sharp!), I will look back to my year as a 25 year old and be happy with how much I’ve grown and to appreciate everything I have. And once I’ve done that, I can look forward to an even-year of 26.

The little girl who wanted to be a princess is always a princess. Bring it on

Just want to share this, lol. For your info, these are just *some* of the crazy (but fun) people I have to work and deal with on a daily basis. What’s work without a little bit of insanity?

And the one who claims she is “normal”, really isnt

But we all still love her dearly hehehe

Yesterday started really randomly. I came to office slightly late (what’s new?) and logged in to msn.

I then got bombarded by at least 6-7 “Good morning Princess!” only to find that the princess wasn’t actually me (hoho, there goes my princess complex) but VICTOR.

I told you I work with crazy people.

And that was how Princess Day started, and they all lived happily ever after

The feeling that I might have lost him forever seeps through me like a deadly virus.

If he’s gone, then I would be gone too considering how mentally and emotionally connected we are.

He is my entire life, my pillar of support, voice of reason, personal comedy central, handy man, hugging machine, biggest critic and adoring boyfriend.

My heart is literally aching right now. I don’t know where he is, or how he’s been. I miss him terribly.

Last night just before the incident we have been our loving, happy selves. Giggling in the cab, laughing. While watching tv before that, he kissed me at the side of my head and then my lips after he forgave me for being caught up at work. I wish he’d kiss me on my forehead because that’s the best kiss ever. It’s always been my favourite.

Everything in my life reminds me of him. Every small detail. Because that’s the kind of couple we are. We speak of everything, share observations, have opposing yet similar sense of humour. We are made for each other.

How can something so right, so perfect go so completely wrong?

How do I fix something that I wasn’t my fault?

How do I separate myself from the entities that surround me?

Why are we letting an idiotic stranger ruin what we have? That’s what he is, a stranger. One moment that ruined it all for us. Why?

We have gone through bigger tribulations. If we are not meant to be together and not strong as a couple, we wouldn’t have made through that line of fire. But we did. And we emerged as strong as ever - stronger even. And for everyday that we’ve had, I’ve said a little prayer for being given the precious gift of being with you.

Happy memories are running through my mind at top speed. Tears are going down my face, making my nose redder by the second.

I miss you. I really do. I feel like my life has been cut short, it’s as if my life support has been suddenly cut off. Maybe it has. I can’t breathe and my heart is aching. Where are you?

We’ve had visions upon visions of getting married, having kids. Growing old together.

I never told you this but I’ve always thought about a time when you will no longer be strong enough to carry me, or look after me or do crazy things with me due to old age. Then I’d wonder, will we know when we are doing certain things for the absolute last time? Like swinging me around, like you always do. You’d not be able to do that when we turn 60, but let’s say the last time we do it is when we are 45. Would we know then that you will never swing me around after that day?

Nope, we will never know. What if yesterday was the last time we’ll ever kiss. or hold hands. or giggle. or hug. I can’t stand the thought of it. It kills me.

I have always been the one who needs to be looked after. And you have always been looking after me full time, since I am so problematic and clumsy and everything. What would I do now when you won’t be there to look out for me in old age?

You’re the only one I want to spend my life with. Only because at the very core of my heart, I know that you are the one for me. We fit like a glove despite being practically opposites. You feel me up with love, joy and laughter everyday. You care and worry too much about me. We have excellent chemistry that can’t be bought by riches or beauty and I want it to last forever.

We’ve always been strong together. We always go against the odds together, and we always survive.

I’m not taking that fact for granted but all I know is that I need you in my life. It’s so sudden. Like I said, it is as if my life support has been cut off from me, without warning - leaving me to a slow and painful death.

Death. Yes, that seems appealing right now. Honestly.

I love you from the very depths of my heart. It’s such a pity that I cannot fix this by saying sorry, mainly because the problem wasn’t caused by me. I feel helpless because it is caused by a random third party. There’s no way I can fix it, because I will only know how to fix this if I caused it.

So here I am, torn to bits - waiting to see what my fate has in store for me. I hate feeling helpless. I need you back here with me. Holding my hands, hugging me and telling me things are gonna be okay. But the thing is, I don’t even know where you are.

And I also need that kiss on the forehead, which always seems to speak volumes, and in a myriad of languages at any one time. Yes, your kisses on my forehead are magical. Every one of them.

I understand that you might need to be alone, to think things through. But please, when you are ready, come back to me because there’s no one else I’d rather be with then you. I’m begging you, please don’t punish me for something I didn’t do.

I miss you.