These days, I’ve been getting epiphanys and certain bits of random wisdom in my head. And these sudden thoughts will thrill and shock me both at the same time.
This is mainly because it is often stuff like I never thought of doing and/or becoming. And each time this happens, I find myself growing up just a little.
The latest epiphany I had was a few days back and it involves me as a non-working wife in the near future.
Let’s backtrack just a little so that you can know something about a much younger, idealistic, feisty me.
I’ve always believed that women should be out working, making a name for themselves and being financially independent – especially after marriage (with or without children involved). That has been my belief from mid-teens till very recently.
I used to scoff at stories of young girls who marry early and become stay at home wives and stay at home mums. I used to think that they have wasted their entire life, subservient to a domesticated life – depending on their husbands for everything.
Perhaps I have been brought up to be an independent person, who has to stay strong regardless of anything that comes my way. My lack of a father figure when I was growing up caused me to witness my mum working day and night, bringing me up by herself. I grew not to depend on any man financially. I hardly trust them.
Even till today, when I’ve found the perfect guy who entertains all my whims and fancies – I remain financially independent. That is certainly something I can never change about myself.
However, something has changed within me in the past few weeks. It’s crazy but it’s true.
Perhaps I’m growing up, thus having more sense – instead of egoistical ideals thanks to a missing father.
All of a sudden, I find myself wanting to make breakfast every morning for my future husband (FP) – amin –
And I want to be there when he gets home from working overnight. I want to greet him with a warm, happy smile and make him comfortable – free and far away from his stresses at work.
I want to be home when he gets home from work, period.
Then I’ll cook him nice dinners that he will enjoy. I’d have all the time in the world to try out all the recipes from my cook books.
And then I pictured myself baking with our kids, for our kids and surprising him with all sorts of wonderful creations when he gets back. I imagined that each baking session will allow the kids to explore their creativity and the freedom to come up with whatever their heart desires.
When I’m free, I can do ad-hoc projects such as my ribbon roses, or jewelry and bake cakes to both ignite my creativity and at the same time earn extra money on the side.
I’d be the perfect (here we go again), doting wife, that he has always wanted me to be – and that I find myself wanting to become.
Is it crazy for me to be thinking of this? It’s like a 360 degree turn from my previous belief. It still scares me sometimes when I think about it. Suddenly, all the girls whom I have scoffed before for being stay at home mums and wives – are an inspiration. I seriously do not know what is wrong with me. Am I growing up, finally?
He has always told me, right from the start that I can still work after marriage, but once we have children – I should probably stay home. I used to get irritated by the unfairness of this statement, but it does make sense to some extend. I would want to try to be a working mum, but on the other hand – i don’t know. But we shall see.
Though the day that I become a domesticated goddess for a wonderful husband is not that near, and that currently we still have careers to build and money to save up – it is good to know that when the time times, I am ready to take on the role and be where I am supposed to be – with my family.