.: asylum for the sane :.

image taken from Sirextra.

Remember how devastated I was when I lost my Oakleys somewhere along the Malaysian North-South Highway?

Well, I’m glad to say that I have gotten yet another pair of the limited Greg Lutzka Edition of the Oakley Frogskins.

FP had a terribly hard time looking for it everywhere, despite me telling him it’s really not about getting another pair. I thought he stopped looking for it after awhile because he didn’t mention anything about it anymore. But the fact was, he never brought it up again simply because he has found it.

He wanted to give it to me as our anniversary gift in April, but since it was Valentine’s Day yesterday, he decided to bring forward the gift giving. And it was so unexpected, really.

This pair of Greg Lutzka shades is not a brand new pair, unlike the first one that I had. It has a few scratches that need fixing, but these are minor flaws. I hardly noticed them. It doesn’t matter that it’s not a perfect pair.

The fact that FP managed to find the same pair of this limited edition piece is just.. amazing. And I am so lucky to have someone who does that for me. And who else has 2 of the same pair of a limited edition Oakleys in one lifetime?

ME.

Thank you, thank you, thank you FP! xoxo, <3!

Yesterday I turned 26. This was how I spent my day

I took leave for yesterday, just as I do every year on my birthday. As much as I have been accused (gasp!) of being a workaholic, I simply wouldn’t do it on my special day. This has been my practice since I started my work life, after graduation.

So anyway let’s continue with our story.

FP presented me with this box (okay previously it was in a longish paper holder thingy), and inside it was this:

A lovely charm bracelet from Thomas Sabo! He has chosen three charms for me: a pink flower, a shooting star and a witch.

Why a witch? Because I like Harry Potter, apparently.

Why a shooting star and a pink flower? Because they just look nice

Fair enough, hehe.

Then we went to Ion Orchard for Swenson’s ice cream buffet! Kawan L, Kawan E & Kawan C were initially supposed to join us. But they didn’t

So anyway it was just FP and myself, having access to all the ice cream one could have!

So for my first combination, I took – banana split, frosted chocolate malt and strawberry flavoured ice cream, with strawberries and marshmallow for topping! I really do love fresh strawberries and marshmallows. In fact, I am a marshmallow – just ask FP.

His first bowl of ice cream, on the other hand, looks like this:

It consisted of sticky chewy chocolate, cookies and cream and butterscotch flavoured ice cream with chocolate malt balls, marshmallow (copy!), lychees and chocolate sticks as toppings. yum yum

For my second round, I chose very fruity selections. Actually, I’ve always preferred fruity ice cream flavours as compared to rich and creamy ones – so this was pure heaven to me.

This concoction comprises: mango-peach, rock melon and calamansi flavoured ice cream, topped with strawberries (again), lychees and longans. A very refreshing concoction – just as how I intended it The mango-peach flavoured scoop was extremely delightful and exceptionally refreshing, whereas the rock melon one was simply divine. I love!

FP’s next bowl:

Such a vast difference in how the ice cream and toppings are presented, lol. My bowls look way, way better I can be a food arranger on top of a food photographer next time, lol.

This bowl holds a scoop of black sesame, chocolate and strawberry flavoured ice cream each apart from the atap seeds, he also poured marshmallow sauce over the three flavours.

By this time we were both so bloated and pretty sick of ice cream. Actually in between bites of ice creams, we ordered fries and deep-fried mushroom, so that we won’t feel so overwhelmed with ice cream. It kinda worked.

I didn’t know this photo was taken until I was going through my camera just now. Looks like FP too can be a food photographer. /run

Then of course there was the episode of many many children singing Happy Birthday to me. I will not go too much into that, but of course he did plan for it. We’ll keep it at that

But it was very sweet, thank you FP

And finally, the birthday cake:

This was my chocolate truffle cake from The Royals

Small and sweet, just like me. hahahaha!

Candle was blown and wishes were made (though not entirely because I was being egged on to blow the candle) and that’s the end of my day.

It was a special day with sweet surprises. I love it, and thank you FP for the wonderful day.

And thank you all of you who wished me in Facebook (flooded my wall), twitter, via SMS (these had the nicest bday msges I’ve received), by phone (love ya Kavz!) and in person (xoxo FP).

It was really nice being remembered and loved on a special day like your birthday, so thank you.

Here’s to number twenty six, and let’s live it to the fullest. And then feel emo again when number twenty seven comes along.

The feeling that I might have lost him forever seeps through me like a deadly virus.

If he’s gone, then I would be gone too considering how mentally and emotionally connected we are.

He is my entire life, my pillar of support, voice of reason, personal comedy central, handy man, hugging machine, biggest critic and adoring boyfriend.

My heart is literally aching right now. I don’t know where he is, or how he’s been. I miss him terribly.

Last night just before the incident we have been our loving, happy selves. Giggling in the cab, laughing. While watching tv before that, he kissed me at the side of my head and then my lips after he forgave me for being caught up at work. I wish he’d kiss me on my forehead because that’s the best kiss ever. It’s always been my favourite.

Everything in my life reminds me of him. Every small detail. Because that’s the kind of couple we are. We speak of everything, share observations, have opposing yet similar sense of humour. We are made for each other.

How can something so right, so perfect go so completely wrong?

How do I fix something that I wasn’t my fault?

How do I separate myself from the entities that surround me?

Why are we letting an idiotic stranger ruin what we have? That’s what he is, a stranger. One moment that ruined it all for us. Why?

We have gone through bigger tribulations. If we are not meant to be together and not strong as a couple, we wouldn’t have made through that line of fire. But we did. And we emerged as strong as ever – stronger even. And for everyday that we’ve had, I’ve said a little prayer for being given the precious gift of being with you.

Happy memories are running through my mind at top speed. Tears are going down my face, making my nose redder by the second.

I miss you. I really do. I feel like my life has been cut short, it’s as if my life support has been suddenly cut off. Maybe it has. I can’t breathe and my heart is aching. Where are you?

We’ve had visions upon visions of getting married, having kids. Growing old together.

I never told you this but I’ve always thought about a time when you will no longer be strong enough to carry me, or look after me or do crazy things with me due to old age. Then I’d wonder, will we know when we are doing certain things for the absolute last time? Like swinging me around, like you always do. You’d not be able to do that when we turn 60, but let’s say the last time we do it is when we are 45. Would we know then that you will never swing me around after that day?

Nope, we will never know. What if yesterday was the last time we’ll ever kiss. or hold hands. or giggle. or hug. I can’t stand the thought of it. It kills me.

I have always been the one who needs to be looked after. And you have always been looking after me full time, since I am so problematic and clumsy and everything. What would I do now when you won’t be there to look out for me in old age?

You’re the only one I want to spend my life with. Only because at the very core of my heart, I know that you are the one for me. We fit like a glove despite being practically opposites. You feel me up with love, joy and laughter everyday. You care and worry too much about me. We have excellent chemistry that can’t be bought by riches or beauty and I want it to last forever.

We’ve always been strong together. We always go against the odds together, and we always survive.

I’m not taking that fact for granted but all I know is that I need you in my life. It’s so sudden. Like I said, it is as if my life support has been cut off from me, without warning – leaving me to a slow and painful death.

Death. Yes, that seems appealing right now. Honestly.

I love you from the very depths of my heart. It’s such a pity that I cannot fix this by saying sorry, mainly because the problem wasn’t caused by me. I feel helpless because it is caused by a random third party. There’s no way I can fix it, because I will only know how to fix this if I caused it.

So here I am, torn to bits – waiting to see what my fate has in store for me. I hate feeling helpless. I need you back here with me. Holding my hands, hugging me and telling me things are gonna be okay. But the thing is, I don’t even know where you are.

And I also need that kiss on the forehead, which always seems to speak volumes, and in a myriad of languages at any one time. Yes, your kisses on my forehead are magical. Every one of them.

I understand that you might need to be alone, to think things through. But please, when you are ready, come back to me because there’s no one else I’d rather be with then you. I’m begging you, please don’t punish me for something I didn’t do.

I miss you.

Here’s an actual excerpt from my Facebook newsfeed. As you can see, my boyfriend (who has changed his name to some Ah Beng name on Facebook) is lovingly mocking my status.

Some people has nothing better to do, tsk tsk

For those unfamiliar with Bill Compton and Sookie Stackhouse (though I can’t imagine why) – they are main characters in HBO’s vampire series, True Blood.

I started watching the second season of Trueblood last night and was planning to watch more tonight, hence my status. Though it is not far from the truth that Bill would be a perfect companion anyhows

And Bill is definitely a hottie, though I think I’ve covered that topic in detail in this post. But you can read about him all over again, hehe.

However, that doesn’t change the fact that my boyfriend is a copy cat. I should start copyrighting my status, lol.

Found this really nice quote that echoes nothing but honesty:

When I was 5 years old, mum always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I wrote “happy”.

They told me I didn’t understand the assignment.

I told them they didn’t understand life.

How true. Looking at the photo above of an adorable child (which happens to be me) smiling like there’s no worry in the world, you might think her perception of life is the most ideal.

Perhaps it was. Would this little girl know that one day her heart will break? That she will get hurt? That there are people in this world who are envious, evil and manipulative? That her hair, skin, eye sight will not be as perfect as it was on that fine day she stood happily with an umbrella on a car?

Of course she didn’t. She didn’t know that one day she would lose people who love her dearly, in a natural and inevitable way. That one day, she will not be under a sheltered umbrella despite being protected all her life. First by her family who guarded her with their lives and then by a loving boyfriend that makes it his mission to make sure nothing happens to her.

But at that moment, nothing seems to matter to her. Her attention is only spared to posing prettily and smiling unknowingly the prettiest smile there ever was. There’s no words to describe this photo really. There’s an innocence so profound that it goes straight to your soul. The happiness that exudes from her smile is genuine. Nothing fake, nothing sarcastic or smile. Such is the sincerity of a child.

Even today when she’s all grown up, she has not given up on happiness. She only wants to be happy, and that is all that matters.

Happiness is such a simple concept yet it is also the hardest to achieve. Happiness cannot be bought with riches or popularity. It can only be attained when deep inside, you are self-contented and self-satisfied.

I wish I can go through everyday with such a genuine, heartwarming smile without snide and sarcastic thoughts in my head. I wish I have that simple innocence that trusts everyone and have that carefree feeling , without fear of tripping and failing.

I really miss being a child, and perhaps to some extent, I never really grew up. Of course I can’t show my child-like qualities at work or with the family (when I am supposed to be the eldest). But with FP, all walls of insecurity and self-defence is broken and I become my true self. I feel carefree, child-like and playful. The strong bond between FP and I breaks barriers and I feel free to be who I am.

Why?

Because he makes me feel safe and loved.

Just like that little girl, on a car, under an umbrella – many, many years ago.

I’ve always been a little obsessed in being perfect. It’s not that I am the world’s most perfect person. Like hello? Messy (at certain levels, for certain things) and clumsy (oh, like all the time?) – that’s far from being perfect. What about saying the darndest things that I unwittingly say that makes everybody laugh at me? Well, that’s just excellent.

But I’ve embraced certain flaws of mine and turned them into perfection, for without them I wouldn’t be the wonderful, quirky person that I am. Self-centered too, you may add.

However, other than the quirks I have accepted to be a part of me – I hate any other kind of imperfections that I may develop or find in myself. When this happens, I deal with it really badly. I cannot seem to accept that I might have “imperfections” that wasn’t there before.

Well when you have a mum who obsesses and critics everything about you, you’d probably turn out a little like me. I can never get too dark, put on a little weight, have pimples, doing ANYTHING in a way deemed way wrong – without her getting on my back and harping about it.

I can never, ever please my mum and that’s a fact. And FP once told me that it’s because of this obsession with perfection that I try doubly hard in everything I do. Everything must be done to a certain level of perfection that is in my head. Most of the time, this strive for perfection works and pays off.

But when they don’t, like I have mentioned before – I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Just yesterday, I discovered something that I couldn’t imagine ever happening to me. It needn’t be anything negative/bad by societal’s standards but to me, it was the world crashing down on me. And all I could think of was, “Mum’s right”. And I just cried and couldn’t stop crying.

FP was right there when it happened. He held me tight and comforted me, telling me that everything will be alright. That we will work something out to make it all better. It’s gonna take some work, but he’s going to help me through it.

So in a moment of a discovery of such an imperfection, came a moment of perfection. FP has always loved me despite all my quirks and imperfections and I am very thankful for that. I am indeed a very lucky girl to have such an understanding boyfriend who stays by my side when everything (in my head) goes terribly wrong. Not only does he stay by my side, he also goes through the fire with me.

Beat that, Chace Crawford.

On a side note, I’d just like to share this quote I’ve found on Perfections. Or Imperfections, rather.

Congratulations! You’re not perfect! It’s ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody’s ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people. You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong – which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring! So you’re not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you! Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they’re really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups! Phooey! Who needs ‘em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they’re a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week. ~Stephen Manes, Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!

Food for thought, don’t you think?

I’ve mentioned in the previous post that in April, we lost 2 weeks of 50 Weeks of Her due to some unforeseen circumstances. So yesterday, FP and I had a wonderful time catching up to Week 6 and Week 7.

So let’s cover Week 6 first shall we?

There’s no out takes for Week 6. Besides, the photo speaks for itself:

Click to enlarge image

It is meant to represent how uninspired and depressed FP was two weeks ago. It is rather depressing to look at this photo but I think that means that the effects intended are successfully transmitted.

It gives out a feeling of solitude, loneliness and sadness – all the negative emotions that I try to avoid as much as I can. However, I think that every photo is an abstract art on its own and thus making perspectives about the photo very subjective.

How would you interpret this photo?

*****
On a personal note, I’d like to add that we were at this location hours before we did the shoot. We spent really sweet quality time together, taking in nature at its best. It’s lovely spending the last hours of the afternoon at a place so serene, with views of families being together, children playing and nothing but nature surrounding us.

We went for a long walk, holding hands. Watched people as they fish (so many different methods of fishing!), walked over to the jetty, observing what’s left of the oil spill in the waters. To think of Singapore ever having that kind of pollution is just surreal – but there it was. Black, tainted waters.

While waiting for it to get dark enough, we sat in the car and just rested – exhausted from the earlier events of the day (in next post). We lowered our seats, and just talked, laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. It was simply a wonderful feeling to just be like that, doing nothing but be with each other. We even had ice cream

To think that it would be like that 24/7 after we get married makes it that much more exciting.

I was truly blissful and happy yesterday, despite the exhaustion that followed. Thank you FP

Finally, the most tiring month ever has come to an end. In fact, this week proved to be the most exhausting week in April and that is saying alot considering how stressful the entire month has been

So let’s go through what went on in April, in a nutshell:

- I started taking a keen interest in baking. Was pushed into baking a birthday cake for FP after some unreliable sources let me down. The cake turned out really nice, with strong hints of my habit of personalizing everything. Since then, I have been baking on a weekly basis – experimenting and learning at the same time.

The fruits of my labour are not yet picture perfect but it’s getting there I have tried baking cupcakes, muffins, fairy cakes and brownies so far. I hope I can improve in due time so that I can practice my other passion, food photography.

- Photoshoots for 50 Weeks of Her were quite futile this month. We missed out 2 weeks of shoots while the other two weeks were engulfed with stumped ideas and concepts. But oh well, we’ll try harder in the month of May.

- We went to watch Cats the Musical! It’s my first musical in years (the last time was about three years back?) It was an okay experience but could have been better, much better. Better seats, next time!

- I got sucked into the world of Sookie Stackhouse (funny how some of the characters sound like they are calling her Sucky) of the True Blood series. Bill Compton makes Edward Cullen look like a boy, and that’s saying alot. I am halfway through the first season and rest assured, I will blog about it. Hehehe. Bill Compton brings broody and intense to a whole new level. Me likey lots lots

- Speaking of vampires, I finally finished reading the Twilight series. I did a really long review/spoiler of it so I shall spare you here

- Work. Work kept me really busy. Other smaller projects got completed. Some other major projects still in the works. This is why, I am so exhausted this month. But it’s okay, because I know that satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment will be attained when everything is finished

- FP and I set up a joint savings account. This was something that we had wanted to do for the longest time. And since our careers have stablilized and we have our own individual savings, we figured it’s high time to set up a fund for our future. It’s really nice to build something together with him. It’s truly a significant event for me – this setting up of our joint account.

- And finally, today FP and I celebrate our 6th year anniversary. 6 amazing years and still counting. We’ve grown together as a couple and individually as persons. Seen each other through schooldays to our current careers. Been through hell and back – we almost lost each other, but in the end of the day we managed to stitch it back together good as new. Believe it or not, we are even closer now and much more stronger than ever before. I love you, FP. If I have to go through hell and back again to find the happiness that we have right now, I would. Can’t wait for forever to begin for us, xoxo.

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I am truly glad April is now over. Hopefully May will be a less stressful and exhausting month. Maybe it is just me who needs to look after myself in a more effective way