.: asylum for the sane :.

image taken from here

In less than two hours time, I will be saying goodbye to being 25 and say hello to becoming a 26 year old girl. woman. person.

I’m not sure why I am always so pensive on the eve of my birthday. A very good friend of mine once told me that birthdays are not for celebrating. She told me that a birthday is actually the most sacred of days. As your birthday draws closer, your soul becomes too vulnerable and in this time period, anything can happen.

At some point of time, your soul will become so vulnerable that there is a thin line between life and death.

Such is the seriousness of having birthdays, which makes me wonder in what way birthdays are supposed to be happy and joyous occassions?

And turning 26 has gotten me quite frenzied for a number of silly reasons.

1) it is a little over a quarter, making me 1/4 ancient
2) I don’t like even numbers. This is highly ironic because it’s normally when my age is an even number that my life seems better. Hmm.
3) I’m just emo and reflective for no reason at all

This doesn’t mean I’m not looking forward to my birthday and all the hush hush plans

There is a reason why I take leave from work on my birthday every year. It may seem egotistical but hey, if I don’t love myself enough to do that, nobody will. To me, my birthday is always special because it is MY day and the begininning of my wonderful existence.

(yes my fans, I am indeed my biggest fan )

So to carry on with my explanation. So in my head since I was young (younger, I mean), my birthday has always been a sort of a personal holiday for me. I would look forward to it from the beginning of the year. A

And then start counting down to it a month before the actual date. It’s crazy, but true.

And don’t let me get started on birthday week and birthday month. I have it written somewhere, in an invisible clause that things should always go my way during my birthday month, and especially my birhday week.

If I could, I would have wanted a birthday year, but that would just be silly, won’t it?

But as I grew older (an wiser, hopefully), I have shortlisted it down to birthday week. Thank God I have a bf who indulges in my every whim and fancy – not that I abuse it

So as the clock strikes 12 later (though I was technically born at 11 am sharp!), I will look back to my year as a 25 year old and be happy with how much I’ve grown and to appreciate everything I have. And once I’ve done that, I can look forward to an even-year of 26.

The little girl who wanted to be a princess is always a princess. Bring it on

I have always been anti-social to a fault. I hate crowds, I talk and get along with only certain people. And I normally avoid social events, if I could.

It’s not that I am a weird hermit who despises being seen in public. I actually do enjoy attention, being the narcissist that I am. But the only difference between me and the typical attention seeker is that I do not crave for attention, and certainly do not beg for it.

It simply comes to me, whether I like it or not.

However, this is not about me liking attention. This is about me having a fairly anti social life. It’s contradictory because I am quite friendly, if I like you and find you interesting. If I am not friendly and/or nice to you, something is wrong somewhere. Perhaps you should ask yourself what you did wrong.

And that my friends, is probably where I screwed up big time. My pride, and my point of view that I am better than most people (in a whole lot of things) has caused me to be forgotten in everybody’s life.

Weddings, engagements, birthdays, baby shower, baby being born, dinners just because. I’ve not been invited to a single major social event. And I only have myself to blame.

If I had not been such an arrogant prick in school. Had I not been selective in creating friendships. Perhaps then, I wouldn’t find myself in such a predicament.

Oh, please do not think that I feel sorry for myself. I never feel sorry for myself. Besides, it’s better to have a few close friends rather than have 1000 friends who doesn’t really care about you. Besides if you have invitations for baby showers, weddings, engagement parties every other week, you’ll probably be damn bored of it pretty soon. I know I would, considering my short attention span.

Which is why when my wonderful friend Kavi called from Adelaide, Australia to share some pretty damn good news – I felt an undescribable happiness for her. It’s so amazing how we can be so far apart and not talk for months and when she calls – it feels like nothing’s changed at all.

It feels like we’re back in our school days. Still speaking the same lingo, still understanding each other fully. Same jokes falling into place.

And it’s moments like these that sometimes I feel blessed not to have so many friends because to feel so happy for a friend every once in a long while, is better than small bits of happiness at many intervals.

It’s like why have a tub of ice cream over a month when you can have a Swenson’s Earthquake in just one hour?

Make sense? Of course.